Elliot

I rest my forehead against hers.

"Someday, I hope I can be strong like you. Maybe talk about some of the things weighing on me."

"Strong like me?"

I nod. My throat tightens even more, as though trying to stop me from spilling my secrets.

Don't do it. If you expose wounds like that, it's as though you're asking her to target your weaknesses.

But maybe she isn't like him… Mira is kind, loving, and everything good in the world. She's nothing like my father. I don't think she would judge me. No, because unlike him, she genuinely cares about me.

Me. A piece of shit who doesn't care about making others cry, pushing them to beg me, or plunging them into poverty. A man who chose himself time and again because if he didn't protect himself, no one else would do it for him.

"I… I was deeply affected by my mother's death."

Mira's face falls. I'm tempted to stop there, erase that expression from her face, and never bring the subject up again. But she surprises me.

"A kiss in exchange for a secret?"

I nod, unable to speak. She places her mouth on mine. The sensation of her body against me urges me to go further, to take, to possess. To remind her who I am despite my hidden weaknesses.

I dominate her lips and mark her with my tongue to show her I'm still the man she likes, even if I may reveal things that make her think I'm not good enough.

Stop. She would never think such a thing.

Mira pulls away and places a hand on my cheek.

"My secret now."

Am I really going to tell her about this? Am I even capable of it? This part of my past is locked away somewhere in the deepest recesses of my darkest memories.

Mira wraps her arms and legs around me. Her warmth comforts me. I let out a long breath before beginning.

"When my father was growing up, he was left on his own a lot, and he had access to everything money could buy: private jets, boats, servants… But once my mother came into his life, none of that mattered to him anymore. They are,were,the closest thing to true love. At least, that's what I was told. I was too young to remember them together. According to Adrian, my father gave my mother anything her heart desired."

"That's so sad."

Shit.

"Don't pity my father. He's a bastard."

"I feel sorry for all of you."

I clear my throat.

"My parents loved Wondervale as much as my grandfather did… until everything changed."

"When your mother got sick?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. No child should lose his mother at such a young age."

She takes my hand, and I unclench my fist to let our fingers intertwine. The simple gesture shouldn't matter this much, but holding Mira feels like clinging to a life preserver. As though otherwise I might be swept into the darkest corners of my mind.

"My mother was everything to us. And in the few good memories I have of my parents together, my father was always doting on her. If she looked at something and smiled, my father found a way to get her more of it. And if something made her cry, my father wanted to destroy the source of her grief at any cost."

"He sounds like a man in love," Mira remarks with a small, hesitant smile.

"In love. Such simple words for such a devastating feeling."

"Even the best things can have negative consequences."

Her hand tightens around mine. I don't know whether she does it for me or for herself, but I'm grateful for the stroke of her thumb over my fingers. It grounds me.

"My father was never the same after my mother died, and neither were we."

I stare at the dancing flames in the fireplace to avoid looking at Mira. I can't bear her compassion when I don't deserve it. The selfish monster I've become over the last two decades is very different from the little boy she pities.

"If my father treated us so badly, I think it was because he was scared, actually. Taking care of us alone meant accepting that my mother was gone, and he wasn't ready for that. He became a man we no longer recognized, and he abandoned us when we needed him most. Instead of losing one parent, we lost both. One to cancer, the other to his vices." My voice breaks. "We protected him because we thought he would recover. Looking back, we were too young to know what to do in that situation. We should have told someone about his problems. But he hid his drinking so well. Our grandfather was suspicious, certainly, but we protected our father. Not out of loyalty, but maybe for our mother… I'm not really sure…"

"You were only children!"

"Yes, but if we'd gotten him the help he needed soon enough, maybe we could have prevented the years of suffering that followed."

I close my eyes so Mira won't see the tears clouding them.

Men don't cry.

You've always been weak.

Pathetic.

All at once, memories flood my mind.

"Pain tests us all in different ways."

"Yes. He destroyed what other people loved because he couldn't bear losing the person he cared about most in the world."

"And what do you think he destroyed for you?"

"The only thing I was good at. My brothers had sports, comic books, high school clubs… but I was the exception. The disappointing son who loved art, talked too much, and dreamed even more."

Even though Mira doesn't speak, I can read a hundred questions in her eyes.

"I reached the point where I started blaming myself," I continue. "All I wanted was to make my father happy, but instead, I only confirmed that I was the kind of person who failed, that I was the weakest of his sons, and that it was better my mother would never have to see me become such a pathetic boy."

A tear runs down Mira's cheek.

"You can't really believe that."

Now you're making her cry. You're still as useless as ever.

I drive the thought from my mind.

"I… I don't know. In any case, I changed. My mindset wasn't the same after…"

I stop before revealing too much.

"I shut myself off. I learned everything I could from my brothers. Proving my father wrong became my only goal. I spent every day demonstrating that I wasn't a disappointment."

"At the expense of what you loved?"

"That was the price of peace. I didn't think I would ever draw again…"

"Until you saw my awful scribble."

I nod, a faint smile on my lips.

"I didn't understand it at the time, but I wanted you to see who I was."