Chapter 53
Elliot
After my jet lands in Chicago, I plan to go home, but at the last minute, I ask my driver to take me to my father's house. Something has been bothering me since my last conversation with Mira. It took the entire flight for me to conclude that I have one more issue to resolve before I can move forward.
The pressure I put on myself to reach an impossible goal just to prove this man wrong about me has poisoned my life for long enough. For years, I wanted him to recognize my worth when he couldn't see beyond his own pain. Enough is enough. I'm letting go of that little boy who so desperately wanted to be seen and appreciated by the wrong person.
I press the doorbell with a gloved finger. It takes my father a few minutes to answer the door of his house on the outskirts of the city.
His eyes widen behind his glasses.
"Elliot," my father says simply, surprised. "Come in."
I take a moment to assess him. His eyes appear clear and sober, and his breath lacks the distinctive whiskey smell I've learned to associate with his drunken outbursts. He seems sober enough for this conversation.
"That won't be necessary. I have a few questions for you."
He frowns but nods anyway.
"All right…"
"Do you think Mom would be proud of the man you've become since she died?"
My father opens his mouth but says nothing. I don't think I've ever seen him look so petrified. His already pale face turns ashen.
Suddenly, a gust of wind blows over us and snaps him out of his trance.
"No, I don't think so," he answers, lowering his head.
"Why did you change?"
"I became a pathetic man, consumed by anger, because I wanted to drown everyone else in my grief so they would suffer as much as I did."
I can't believe he gives me such a candid answer. He sighs as though the exchange is draining all his energy before asking me:
"Any other questions?"
"Do you regret falling in love with her?"
"No. Not at all."
I could have sworn he would say yes. How could he not regret it after everything he endured?
"Why?"
"You'll eventually learn that the greatest rewards come with the greatest consequences. Nothing that wonderful comes without a price."
That's all I need to hear. If he would make the same choices knowing he would relive decades of grief, then love must be worth it.
I made a huge mistake based on a colossal lie I kept telling myself over the years. I've spent my entire life thinking love makes us helpless, which is true. My father is proof. Love makes people powerless, but only because they willingly accept it. When you're in love, you have to trust the other person enough not to abuse the power they hold over you.
Whatever Mira might feel toward me now, I have faith in her. I'm ready to place my heart and my future in her hands. No list of pros and cons in the world could keep me away from her now.
I know what I have to do. The decision comes easily and relieves some of the tension weighing on my chest like an anvil.
"That's all I needed to know."
With that, I turn on my heel, finally free of what was holding me back.
Now I have to break the news to my brothers.
Adrian swallows another bite of mashed potatoes as if I didn't just announce that I won't be returning to Chicago.
"No."
"I didn't ask for your permission."
Nico looks between us.
"Are we really going to argue on Christmas?"
"I'm not moving back here."
"Well…apparently we are," Nico says, grabbing his glass and raising it to me in solidarity. "It's finally your turn to be the problem child. Welcome to the club."
He takes a huge drink in my honor. Our older brother glares at him before refocusing on me.
"We've already discussed this, and the matter is closed," he says sharply.
"What we decided before doesn't matter. Things change in life. There's no way I'm giving up my position as director of Wondervale, so find yourself another CFO."
"You'd rather run an amusement park than become the CFO of one of the largest companies in the world?"
"Yes, because I met someone who matters to me, and I'm not giving her up for some fucking job thousands of miles away where I'll be miserable without her."
Adrian seems at a loss for words.
"Fuck," Nico mutters, looking stunned. "Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"What have you been hiding from us?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
"Now I really need to pay Wondervale a little visit. Our brother is hiding a huge secret from us," Nico says with a broad smile, nudging Adrian conspiratorially.
"It isn't a secret," Adrian retorts, shoving him away.
"What? You knew this whole time and didn't tell me?"
"He took a weekend off. That alone was cause for alarm. Try using the few brain cells you have left, Calahan."
"Go fuck yourself."
He glares at our older brother before turning to me.
"I hate being left out."
"So you're doing all this for a girl?" Adrian asks irritably.
"No. I'm doing it because I like the person I'm trying to become when I'm with her."
"Damn," Nico says. "Our Elliot doesn't say much, but when he does…a true poet."
Our older brother shakes his head, clearly disagreeing.
"You've completely lost your mind."
"Maybe. But at least I'm having fun."
Nico laughs at that.
"You'll be begging me for that CFO position in six months," Adrian taunts, crossing his arms.
"No."
Smiling, Nico pats our eldest brother on the shoulder.
"Hang in there, sweetheart. I can give you a hand until you find a replacement."
"You know the job requires more than being able to add two and two."
"I think my little brain can keep up."
Nico may have ADHD, but he also has the highest IQ of all of us. If only he had the will to apply himself…
"You know, Audrey could help you with some of the workload. You work well together, and she's clearly capable of handling certain tasks while you look for a wife."
"Yes, maybe…I'll think about it."
"Elliot, we're supposed to object to Audrey working even more," Nico protests with a sigh. "That poor girl has probably forgotten what the sun looks like with all the hours Adrian makes her work."
As long as I get what I want, I don't care about Audrey or her schedule. Even if I'd like to change some of my habits, I will never stop being greedy when it comes to Mira. She will always be the exception to the rule, the one person for whom I'm willing to fight the entire world. If she isn't happy, I'll destroy whatever stole her smile, including myself.
Bag in hand, I bang the knocker on Mira's door. After my flight was delayed an hour because of the December twenty-fifth traffic, I couldn't get back as early as I wanted. But now I'm here, and I'm ready to have a conversation with her. With everything settled regarding the director position, I can use this news as proof of my good faith.
I don't want Mira to leave Wondervale because of me. I want to work with her, side by side, and make this place everything she dreamed it could be.
Elise opens the door.
"What do you want?" she snaps, glaring at me.
"Is Mira here?"
"It's Christmas."
"But you're here, and she wouldn't leave you alone today."
"She doesn't want to see you."
"I'll let her decide that," I answer calmly.
"What do you want with her?" Elise asks defensively.
"I need to talk to her. It's important."
"You want to talk to her on Christmas Day?" she asks skeptically.
"Elise? Who is it?"
Mira enters the foyer and freezes. I take my time admiring her. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun I want to unravel, and her beautiful body is hidden beneath the ugliest Christmas pajamas. Despite wanting to put my hands all over her, I remain leaning against the doorframe.
"Mira," I say hoarsely.
"I'll handle it," she tells Elise.
"Are you sure?" her friend asks, shooting me a suspicious look.
"Yes," she answers, approaching me.
Without another word, Elise turns her back on me and walks down the hall to her bedroom.
"What is it, Elliot?" Mira asks, crossing her arms.
"I want to talk."
"On Christmas Day?"
What is it with them and Christmas? It's just a holiday.
I take a deep breath to gather my courage before showing her the bag.
"I brought an activity to persuade you to give me an hour of your time."
"Seriously?" she says in surprise.
"Um…yes? I researched the best strategies for building a gingerbread house, and I thought we could try it while you listened to me. I even bought Popsicle sticks to support the structure."
Come on, say something.
"We could make homemade icing because the kind in the box looks disgusting," I add.
Mira suddenly seems to snap out of her thoughts.
"You can't be serious. You really think a gingerbread house is going to change everything?"
"No… But I remember hearing you say how much you liked them, and…"
She raises a hand to interrupt me. Her features are strained, as though talking to me causes her pain. Bile rises in my throat. I'm sick of this heartburn. I feel horribly pathetic, and it makes me want to complain. But I hate people who feel sorry for themselves.
"Elliot, you're the one who broke up with me. We can't just pick up where we left off as if nothing happened."
"Fine, because I don't want that kind of relationship anymore. Now I want more."
"You're only doing this for the vote," she says, her eyes filling with tears.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
"I don't give a damn about the fucking vote. If you want to vote against me, go ahead. In fact, I encourage you to, as long as you give me a chance to explain."
Mira seems stunned by my answer. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I mean it. Do what feels right to you. The vote is the last thing on my mind now. You're far more important to me."
She lowers her head to draw in a huge breath before raising it again. The tears clouding her eyes break my heart.
"I wish I could believe you. I really do. But I'm tired of giving people every chance in the world only for them to decide I'm not worth it. Because I am worth it, Elliot, and I'll never let anyone convince me otherwise again. Not even you. I don't want to be used by a man to 'pass the time,' or labeled a 'mistake.'"
I sincerely regret saying those things that day. When I ended what we had, I believed it was necessary. I was afraid I would soon lose control of the situation. In reality, I had already let go of the reins, but I was too stupid to realize it.
Now I would rather lose all control over my destiny and still have Mira by my side. I don't feel capable of returning to the life I led before she entered it.
"Merry Christmas, Elliot."
Mira doesn't bother waiting for my reply before slamming the door in my face.
I take her refusal to listen as a new challenge to overcome. The best way to get her attention is to do something ridiculous. So I decide to build the damned gingerbread house by myself and send her a picture. After collapsing countless times, the structure is damaged, but I persevere.
When I place the last gumdrop on the roof, I quickly grab my phone before my creation can collapse.
I wrote the words I'm sorry on it. Just as I'm about to press the button, a piece of candy falls onto the letter U. I quickly fix it before taking the photo. Then I send it to Mira with the message: I miss you.
I don't know why I expect a response from her. Maybe it was foolish to hope she would take pity on me because I did the activity I wanted to do with her all by myself.
When it becomes clear that my text won't get a reply, the burning in my chest every time I look at that stupid house reaches its peak.
None of my strategies are working. If Mira genuinely believes I was only with her for some fucking vote, I have to prove that I'm here to stay, with or without her approval. She needs to see that I changed because of her and all the kindness she has shown me over the past few months.
I can only hope that, in the end, she chooses me.