Chapter 11
Chapter 11
I sit in the empty classroom at the back of the building, my laptop open on the table in front of me. I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s almost three.
I sigh, leaning back in my chair and rubbing my temples.
I’ve been avoiding Julian all day. I knew he was here when I’d first shown up to work. That black Porche in the parking lot certainly doesn’t belong to anyone else. He’d noticed me walking by his office and had started to stand, but I’d rushed away before he had a chance to say anything.
And now I’ve been here all day. In the one classroom that doesn’t have a class being taught in it. So far, no one’s come to bother me. I’m hoping Julian isn’t determined enough to search the entire building for me.
Part of me feels guilty for how I’d run away from the wedding on Saturday. I knew it was childish, embarrassing. That I should have at least spoken to him, but I could barely think straight. The only thing running through my mind was pure humiliation. Humiliation at having to tell Julian why I’d completely freaked out.
Of course I’d enjoyed what we’d been doing. I’d loved every second of it. The way his hands roamed my body, made me gasp. The things he’d whispered in my ear. My core warms now just thinking about it.
And the further we went, the more and more I wanted him. I wanted him desperately, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone. But …
I couldn’t stand the thought of telling him the one thing I’ve been so ashamed of my entire adult life.
The thing other men have pressed for but never got from me.
Sex.
My face warms in frustration, the familiar embarrassment and shame flooding back to me. At twenty-four, I’m well beyond my years in many things. I have an established career, I’m good with money, I’ve traveled the world.
And yet, I’m so, so woefully behind when it comes to the one thing that everyone seems to care about.
And to be honest, there’s really no reason for it. It’s not like I’m saving myself for marriage or have some hangup about sex. I haven’t had sex yet simply because I haven’t met someone I was willing to give it up for. It’s as simple as that.
I always thought I’d fall in love and sex would happen naturally. And then as the years went on and it never happened, suddenly a random hookup was no longer an acceptable way to lose one’s virginity. What was I supposed to do? Casually suggest my first time happens after a Tinder date? Maybe I could have gotten away with something like that in college, but not now. Not in my twenties.
And so here I am, twenty-four and a virgin.
I glare angrily out the window. Angry at myself for freaking out this weekend and running away from the first man in forever who I’ve had any kind of spark with. Angry at myself for not just going for it, for letting it happen. Angry at myself for letting myself stay a virgin this long.
Overwhelmed, I bury my head in my hands and groan.
“Rough day?” a voice calls, and I straighten. “I was wondering where you were,” Jenna says, walking into the room.
I chuckle, somewhat embarrassed. “Yeah, I’m … hiding from Julian,” I admit.
She raises her eyebrows. “Why?”
“We went to his brother’s wedding on Saturday.”
Her eyes widen like saucers. “What?” She hurries across the room, pulling up a chair beside me. “You went to Callum Mercer’s wedding with Julian?”
I nod.
Jenna makes an expression that can only be described as pure glee. “Oh my god,” she gushes. “Tell me everything.”
I tell her about the wedding, how beautiful it was, how Julian and I had danced, and then how things had become heated. “The only problem is … I kind ran away at the last minute.”
Jenna frowns in confusion. “Ran away?” she echoes.
I purse my lips, nodding. Like most people in my life, Jenna isn’t privy to the details of my sex life, so I hedge around the truth. “I just freaked out. I got in my head and ran away.”
She nods, giving me a sympathetic look. “How do you feel now?” she asks.
I take a moment. How do I feel now? “I guess I’m not sure.”
“Do you like him?”
“Yes.” The answer comes so quickly, I barely have time to process it.
“Okay. Then talk to him.”
She states it so simply, but I suppose she’s right. I should just talk to him. At the very least, I think he’s owed an explanation. It’s probably a bit unfair that I’ve spent the day avoiding him.
After a few more minutes of talk, Jenna heads off, and I go back to work. I contemplate moving back to my office, but the nerves dancing in my lower belly stop me. The idea of seeing Julian, of facing him after my embarrassing actions, is overwhelming. I wonder if I can get away with just one more day. One more night to think about it, and then I can talk to him in the morning.
I finish up the rest of my work and head back to my office just a bit after five. Julian should be gone by now—everyone should be gone by now.
I walk down the quiet, empty corridors, glancing into Julian’s office as I pass it. I was right; he’s gone. A mixture of relief and disappointment flash through me, but I push both of those emotions away as I enter my office.
When I notice a figure sitting at my desk, I jump, a small shriek of surprise escaping my lip.
Julian looks up, alarmed. “Nora,” he says quickly, standing. “I wanted to talk.”
I compose myself, trying to put a mask of nonchalance over my expression. “Hi,” I say softly.
“I wanted to apologize about the wedding,” Julian says quickly, his eyebrows furrowed together in distress. “If I did anything that made you uncomfortable—”
“No, Julian, you didn’t,” I interrupt him. “I’m sorry. I should have—I shouldn’t have just run off like that.”
“I was worried I’d scared you, that I’d pushed you too far or something,” Julian continues.
I’m shaking my head. “It’s not that at all.”
“I shouldn’t have moved things so quickly,” he goes on. “I should have paid more attention to you, to the situation—”
“I’m a virgin,” I suddenly blurt out.
He stops short, his gaze meeting mine from across the room. Confusion washes over his face, then shock. He opens his mouth, but no words come out.
“I was … very into what was happening,” I admit, feeling myself reddening. “I’m into you. But … I didn’t want to ruin the mood by telling you I’d never had sex before, but I couldn’t just go through with it, and I—I freaked out.” I hadn’t really expected to be this honest, but here we are. I bite my lip, feeling the embarrassment rushing through me. I’ve just told him my most intimate secret, and there’s no going back.
The silence stretches around us, suffocating me. God, say something. Say anything, I plead. But as the seconds tick by, I can’t take it any longer.
I sling my purse over my shoulder, head down, and rush toward the door. “I shouldn’t have told you. I should’ve known it would be too much,” I mutter.
But before I can exit, Julian rushes across the room and blocks me, closing the door with a click. I look up, his arm extended, leaning against the door, his frame towering over me. “You think I care that you’re a virgin?” he asks slowly, a frown crinkling across his face. “You think that’s too much for me?” He raises an eyebrow.
“I …” I stutter. “Sometimes it is for people,” I admit.
Surprise flashes across his face, and then there’s that smile again—that slight smirk that lights my lower belly on fire. “If you think I’m going to be scared off that easily, you’re wrong.”
I smile softly at this, a strange mixture of relief and arousal coursing through me. “Yeah?” I ask.
“You called it at the wedding,” he says, his voice low as he leans closer to me. “I’m a man who’s used to getting what he wants. And want you. I don’t care about the incidentals.”
My breath catches in my throat.
Julian reaches for me, tucking a stand of hair behind my ear. “How about I take you on a real date?” he says.